denial

20 Jun

I’m usually pretty good about planning things.  I mean, I would hope so, considering I was once paid to be a Special Events Director of a nonprofit.  I can put together calendars, to-do lists, minute-by-minute schedules like no body’s business.  (Wait, are these things worth bragging about?  Or are these things that make me seem completely neurotic? )

I say this because, in terms of my upcoming move, I have done NOTHING.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I’ve done lots of passive things–research places to live, put together a to-do list, and more research.  In terms of putting actual deadlines and dates with each of these items, of getting a sense of urgency associated with these things–I’ve got nothing. In terms of acting on any of these items, I’ve got nothing.  Just the sheer act of writing down the list, of putting it on the wall, made me feel so good that I’ve stopped stressing out about my lack of progress. To an extent.  But now the list mocks me, each morning, cause I haven’t crossed anything off of it.  It’s a pretty obnoxious list.

I can’t tell if it’s because I’m in the midst of a full-blown attack of senioritis, or, if I’m just in denial that I’m about to upheave my life.   I’m asking SH and our dog to move their life cross country with me, so that I can (presumably) spend the next two years drinking a lot, going to football games, and getting my school-on.   Bless them.

In any case, my inaction is causing me to stress out majorly.  I sit at my desk each day, thinking about the million things I need to do.  But then, once I get home, my stress disappears, and all I want to do is just sit and watch Jeopardy with SH.  While drinking some lemonade.  (Cause that’s just what you do in the summer.  )

Which brings me to another point–I currently have 3 different to-do lists, all competing for my time and energy.  One is our “go blue” list–the list of things that we need to do for our upcoming move (boring, important stuff like – order pod); the second one is our “california tour” list–the list of things we want to do one more time before leaving Cali; and the third is my personal “30-in-30”.  We’re making lots of progress in the California Tour list, but not much anywhere else.  So, I got that going for me, right?

Also? So many of our friends are being so great–planning our going-away party, trying to see us more–and part of me is still thinking–who’s leaving?

Oh, it’s me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: