figuring it all out

So, for the most part, I feel like a MBA is the right path for me.   I’ve spent months defining why I need an MBA, why now is the right time, and why each of the programs I’ve applied is the only place that will help me in my future.    I know this.   I know this answer.

But, since I’ve gotten accepted into these programs, I’ve started to question a little the choice to go to business school.  The amount of debt that I would accrue seems insurmountable.  And the fact that I’m on the older end of the spectrum makes it seem like it may not be the best life choice.   I did some mental math yesterday (it turns out the math that I’m best at is seeing how old I am), and I’ll graduate with my MBA when I’m 31–assuming I can finish my dual degree in 2 years.  Then, the assumption would be that I would take a nice job somewhere and work for two years, putting me at 33, before I could realistically start a family.  Which is fine.  A lot of women are starting families later in life, and for the most part I feel okay about this.  I mean, there’s a part of me that’s always thought I’d have kids by the time I was 30, but clearly, it’s not going to happen (it’s not even on my 30 in 30 list).   And, when I look at my peers’ lives, on facebook or in person, a lot of us are in the same age-range and no closer to leading what I’ve always assumed to be “adult” lives.

In fact, most of us are still living like we did in college.  Renting apartments, living with your significant other (but not engaged or married), and just generally not having too many life responsibilities.  And, in some ways, getting an MBA is just an excuse to extend that life further.   It’s funny people say teenagers are growing up faster than ever, but yet, here we are–a bunch of late 20somethings, living life like a 23 year old (but minus the stamina), and essentially, not growing up.  To me, at least.  And to my grandmother, who is always quick to remind me that I am getting old and I should be married and having kids.

I guess this is what happens when you hang out with a bunch of people your own age, who are in the same position you are in, and no one is feeling the pressure to take the plunge; we are all validating each others’ life choices.

I guess what I need to do is just get over my pre-conceived notions of what is expected of me, and actually do what I want for me.  And, at the end of the day, that includes getting my MBA (did I just rhyme there? awesome)